On Hoffman Estates, Illinois

Thoughts

I miss Asia almost every day. There are triggers all the time – evil ex-coworkers tagging me in food photos around Asia, fluid Cantonese spoken in local Chinese restaurants, media photos of F3 reunited in Bali to attend a wedding. There have been so many things, since coming back to the States, that cause a little pang of nostalgia, of missing those two years I lived back in Shanghai and Hong Kong.

I was worried about moving back home to Hoffman Estates after I quit my job in New York this past July. After all, New York City was probably the most similar setting I could have to the urban metropolises that I’d lived in abroad; I worried that I’d find the suburbs too quiet, too limiting, and quite honestly too boring – especially after my grandparents left to return to China mid-August.

But I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that this Chicago suburb I grew up in has been more than ideal for my transition back to the States after two years abroad. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I’ve found those words to be true more than ever. And while there are multiple reasons why being in Hoffman Estates has been awesome, the greatest reason by far has been the people.

After my grandparents left in mid-August, I started to spend a lot of time catching up with different people, from childhood friends, to high school teachers, to college classmates, even to new friends I’d made in New York and in Asia. After every single meet-up, I have the exact same thought: “I am so incredibly thankful to be friends with people who I admire and respect so much.”

I’ve been repeatedly blown away by how my friendships haven’t changed despite years apart; by how career success or new life chapters haven’t diminished the strong, down-to-earth characters of my favorite people. And there was absolutely no need for me to worry about my newly found confidence declining, because I have been surrounded by the support and encouragement of people who believe in me more than I believe in myself.

It’s said that unemployment and job-seeking can often be depressing and lonely, and that insecurity increases while confidence plummets. But being back home in Hoffman Estates has prevented me from really feeling any of that negativity – and I realize how incredibly fortunate I am. Each hangout with a friend leaves me feeling warm, happy, confident, and thankful. Each visit to downtown Chicago leaves me satisfied with how close I still am to a myriad of opportunities and (more importantly) restaurants. And each night spent at home, cooking with my parents, leaves me feeling like I’ve made the right decision in quitting and taking a break to come home after eight years away from Hoffman Estates, Illinois.

It’s so good to be home.

On Doing Good

Thoughts

In order to somewhat guide my job search process, I’ve been talking to people who work in the roles and/or industries that I’m interested in. There are two general goals I have in mind as I search for my next role: 1) To have greater ownership of my work, and 2) To be “doing good.”

The nonprofit world is one I’ve been on-and-off interested in since high school. I want to use my skills to make a difference, and to do good; I want to help people. One of my strengths is being able to do that on a personal level: I’m good at being a loyal, caring friend, and I’ve heard that I’m pretty good at giving sage life advice. In that sense, I think I have indeed fulfilled my hopes of helping people and of making an impact.

But I don’t feel like that’s good enough; I don’t feel like I’ve reached my potential: I want to do more.

So I’ve continued to explore different career paths that would allow me to do good in my job. One of those paths is through education: my own K-12 years were incredibly important in shaping me into who I am today, and I firmly believe that one’s experience as a child – particularly in terms of SEL – is a strong influencing factor in one’s success later on. Even as I talk to people in the education sector, though, I’m overwhelmed by just how many different types of roles there are – some directly related to the students, and others not much at all.

This has been a recurring theme in my ongoing job search: that there are so, so, so many ways out there to “do good,” to “make a difference.” It’s partially encouraging that there are so many potential paths to take; but on the other hand, it makes it a lot harder to narrow down how exactly to go about doing good. And it doesn’t have to be nonprofit, either: many corporations have foundations or CSR departments, while mission-oriented startups also focus on doing good while churning a profit.

All this to say: although it’s not that easy to narrow it down, the important thing is to choose a path and just try it out. Some people even see jobs as a way to fund their lives, and engage in side projects to make that difference.

I hope that whichever path I choose to go in this next phase of my life, I remember to keep that ultimate goal in mind: to be doing good, in the best way(s) that I can.

On Resilience

Thoughts

They say one of the most difficult parts of job searching is the toll it can take on your self esteem. It’s hard to be ignored or rejected when you apply for jobs, and it certainly makes you wonder why you weren’t “good enough” to be chosen.

I’m about a full month into my official job search (even though I’ve been unemployed longer than that, I was on a family vacation to Michigan for part of that time). For someone as impatient as I am, the length of the job search process in today’s market can feel long – even when, in retrospect, it hasn’t really been that long at all. On the one hand, I’m enjoying the flexibility – I’ve been able to spend extended time in Nashville with Chase given my unemployment, since I can apply to jobs from here.

But on the other hand, I’m finally starting to become anxious: what’s taking so “long”?

I’ve of course had my share of ignores and rejections at this point, some that I’ve taken much better than others. My mood has ranged from cheerfully persistent to despondently insecure, although I’m happy to say that I’ve mostly been the former. But more recently, the negativity has indeed started to poke through my optimism and it’s more important than ever that I remember to be resilient.

As an avid believer in the idea that resilience is a key factor for success, I see my current state as an incredible opportunity to test and build my own resilience. Being rejected is hard, of course, but what’s done is done: I need to focus on moving past it, either accepting the rejection and moving on or pressing further to understand why. As a naturally happy-go-lucky person, I have an advantage in framing; I naturally see situations in a positive light and it’s more important than ever that I remember to do so now.

A rejection doesn’t mean I wasn’t good enough. It just means I wasn’t the right fit, and as long as I keep bouncing back, stay persistent, and continue to learn, I’ll make it out all right. Rejection means another chance to regroup and create plans; as a friend recently reminded me, I’m looking for a career, not a job.

It’s a new week and anything can happen – I’m refreshed and ready!

On Insecurity

Thoughts

Tomorrow, I will go through an identity change.

I quit my job exactly one month ago, making the decision to leave an unfulfilling job to come home and enjoy quality time with my family – specifically my grandparents, who are spending the summer here in Chicago. This is the longest time I’ve gotten to spend with them since I was three years old, and it has been incredible.

Tomorrow, that all changes as my grandparents get on the 14-hour flight back to China. With them, they will take a part of my current identity. Because here’s the thing: as long as they were here, I was the doting granddaughter, cooking lunch and dinner every day, helping them with technology, taking them on field trips to the library.

But as soon as they leave tomorrow, I’ll just be a regular unemployed 25-year-old.

Of course, I made that decision. Rather than using my remaining vacation days or finagling some sort of extended leave of absence, I made that decision to quit my job instead. I made that decision knowing that with unemployment comes a period of job seeking, of not knowing what’s ahead, of losing the career identity I’d built over four years. And I don’t regret it at all, because it has been worth it for this past month.

Yet the insecurity has been slowly seeping in, and I see an invisible taunting “loser” following right behind the phrase “unemployed 25-year-old.” No matter what my family and friends say about my resume, my personality, my whatever, I’m not confident that I can find a job easily. I’m scared, and I’m worried. I’m insecure.

As I prepare to say yet another farewell to my grandparents tomorrow, I’m inwardly saying farewell to that doting granddaughter identity I’ve held for the past month, instead saying hello to that insecurity of unemployment that I can no longer easily ignore. I’m bracing for what feels like failure, trying to remember that failure itself is actually just another opportunity to learn. I will not only be searching for jobs, but also be coping with consequences, learning to live life as I chose.

Tomorrow, I will go through an identity change…and I hope I’m ready for it.

On Being Not Social

Thoughts

I tagged along with my parents to a family friend’s house party this weekend, where I saw friends’ parents whom I hadn’t seen in months, if not years. “How long are you home for this time?” they asked. Bracing myself against the fear of judgment that covered me, I took a breath and replied, “Indefinitely, I guess. I quit my job.”

Telling a group of Chinese parents that you’ve quit your job without anything lined up is pretty scary: in a culture where practicality and stability are highly valued, my risky plan and unemployed status probably banish me to the dungeon category of “people we don’t EVER want our kids to be like.” But now that the cat’s REALLY out of the bag to arguably the most intimidating group of people to tell, I can freely talk about what it’s been like for the past two weeks!

The past two weeks have been interesting because I went from leading an extremely active social life to basically having zero social interactions (besides my family, of course) for literally fourteen days. I know, because I counted: from an awesome lunch with the Tanakas to celebrate my newly engaged best friend + her fiancee, two weeks had passed until Laura and I caught up this weekend at a cool coffee shop nearby (check it out – really cool shop supporting kids with Down Syndrome).

This, I told my parents, is probably the longest I have EVER gone without seeing someone from outside of my family (not counting cashiers and librarians and people I run into on errands). Because of the fact that most of us spend our time either in school or at work, in fact, it’s nearly impossible to go more than maybe the weekend without conversation with a classmate, a coworker, a friend.

I guess it’s technically cheating to say I had no social interactions, because of course I’m home with my parents and grandparents. But while living in New York, Shanghai, and Hong Kong, I got into the habit of having or making plans nearly every weeknight and weekend – it was definitely a way to make sure I wouldn’t feel lonely or homesick in a new city, and I was so stimulated by the unending places to see and places to eat in these huge metropolitan cities.

Suffice to say that I thought I would quickly go stir crazy being back home in the suburbs, particularly with two weeks passing without seeing any friends. But interestingly enough, I didn’t mind it at all. So here’s what I’ve learned from this experience of being not social:

There’s more time to get stuff done. I had time to do arts and crafts yesterday. I cook lunch and dinner for my grandparents every day. I cleaned my room of my childhood belongings and high school scantrons. When I’d come home in the past, I would spend my time going out to meet up with old friends or just enjoying time with my parents; I never made the time to just sit down and take care of stuff around the house that needed to get done.
The suburbs are really pretty. I’d started appreciating being in Hoffman Estates again on my breaks from the cities, but I’m just so reminded of how pretty the suburbs can be. I like seeing the houses with the yards all lined up neatly on the streets. We are lucky to have an awesome library with surroundings that are nice enough for people to make it a pre-prom photo option. My grandpa has become a regular visitor of two turtles that live in Victoria Park. The sky is so, so, so blue. When I’m not being too distracted to get somewhere or to see someone, I’m able to appreciate what’s around me a lot more.
I’m okay being not social. More okay than I thought I would be, anyway. I’m still an extravert at heart, and of course it helps that I have my family to hang out with while I’m home. And I recognize that I’ve only been home for a few weeks. But these past two weeks, despite not seeing any friends, I didn’t feel at all antsy or bothered – and I’m proud of myself for it. It’s refreshing to remember that what makes me tick is really just being around those I love, not leading a packed social life. I’m excited to being more of a homebody, especially when Chase and I get to spend more time together.

So far, I’m enjoying this quiet break from working. I’m sure things will change if I stay unemployed too long, but wish me luck, guys – let’s hope that this isn’t TOO long of a break!

On Quitting My Job

Thoughts

Last Friday, July 8th marked the final day at my job. My first and only job out of college, I had been at the company for just over four years. Two weeks prior, I had given notice to my boss after endless discussions with my family, my friends, and my own little mind.

I’d toyed with the idea for a long time, weighing the pros and cons, guessing at what “funemployment” would bring to my life. Unlike people who quit their jobs because they’re stressed out, or because they have terrible bosses, or because they work awful, long, hours, I quit simply because I wanted to.

It may sound silly, especially given that I wasn’t in some unbearable situation that was taking a toll on my physical or mental health. In fact, when I’d think about it, I’d feel like I was being spoiled: here I was, with a perfectly fine job – not amazing, but by no means bad – making a steady income, living in New York City, and I basically just gave it away, back to the universe. Compared to the thousands searching for jobs to be able to feed their families, pay their mortgages – I was certainly making the ultimate wasteful, foolish decision.

But for myself – and as self-centered as it sounds, this decision was ultimately about myself – I needed to do it. Coming back after working in Asia for an incredible two years, I found myself back in the same place I had worked in right out of college. All around me, my peers were on their third jobs, or completing their MBAs. And while it goes without saying that comparing yourself to others is pointless, it was difficult to avoid feeling like I was stuck in a rut, unable to move on from a job that didn’t excite me.

I thought about it some more. I had the financial means to do it – savings to last me for a period of unemployment. I’d live with my parents until I could find a job, but I wouldn’t be a millenial freeloader; I’d pay for my “rent” and expenses, do the cooking and chores. I could do this.

In the end, what really sealed the deal was also the fact that my grandparents are here from China, staying in Chicago for the summer. This is a rare visit that’s only happened once before, back in 2000, and likely won’t happen again given their age: flying 14 hours is awful, but flying 14 hours as an 85-year-old is, I’d imagine, another level of awful. I distinctly remember texting my mom back in May, as I debated about resigning and moving home: “Mom, I just feel like if I quit now and go to Chicago to spend time with you guys, I won’t regret it. But I do think that if I don’t quit, and I miss out on this chance to be at home with them, I will regret it.”

I’ve read so many articles about nurses and doctors quoting people on their deathbeds, all with the same refrain: “I wish I’d spent more time with the people I loved. I wish I’d worked less and focused on my family and friends.”

And so, I quit my job. I wanted to be home in Chicago, after 8 years of being away in Philly, New York, Shanghai, and Hong Kong. I wanted to be closer to my parents and back in time to spend quality hours with my grandparents. I wanted a fresh start, some time to regroup after an incredible time in Asia. I wanted to rethink my career path, to reevaluate my strengths and weaknesses, figure out what really made me tick. I wanted to be out of New York City, a place I’d grown to appreciate more but still never really loved. I wanted to have control over my life, get away from the status quo of complacency, be proud of the decisions I made.

I am young and have my whole “career” ahead of me – but I would be lying if I said I was 100% confident in this path I’ve now taken, one that is now too late to take back. I am terrified it’ll take me ages to find a job (or worse, what if I NEVER find a job?). I am unsure of the career path I want to take, at a loss as to where I can or should specialize. The world is my oyster…but the oyster is freaking huge.

It’s a choice I’ve made, though, and I’m ready for it. I don’t anticipate this to be an easy period, but then again, no one ever said it would be. Laura said to me the other day, “Don’t worry, it takes time to find a job. It’s good you have time to be with your fam and grandparents, and this time around you can take time to find a job you’re interested in and passionate about.” She’s right, and I’m so thankful for a support system that loves and encourages me through my sometimes-rash decisions.

Wish me luck on this (hopefully) mini-chapter in my life!

On My 25th Birthday Eve

Thoughts

I spent my last evening as a 24-year-old treating myself to some delicious (and expensive) sushi while reading articles about “turning 25.”

my last meal as a 24-year-old – #treatyoself

I’ve been feeling pretty sad and emotional the last few days, partially because Chase just left after spending two weeks here in HK visiting me, and partially because I don’t really want to turn 25. It feels like being 25 is such a big milestone – a lot of the articles I was reading tonight talked about how people freak out when they’re about to turn 25 because you’re a quarter of a century old and you look back and are just like, “What am I doing with my life? What do I want to do?” And it’s a hard question to answer. I’m not sure that I am where I want to be at all, and it’s scary to think that I’m only growing more adult and less child and I’m worried I’ll be unsure forever. Since this blog is a way for me to figure out my life, and I’m now reaching the end of my 24th year, and I’m feeling kind of nostalgic, I want to look back at the different stages of my life and the most meaningful takeaways from each period:

1. (Age 0-7) Childhood in Japan. I truly think being raised in Japan set the stage for being a courteous, polite, considerate member of society from a young age. I love that Japan is very much a part of my identity even though I have no Japanese blood, and I will always remember how sad seven-year-old me was to leave the only home I’d ever known – I was already emotional at a young age.

2. (Age 7-10) Assimilating to North America. This was pretty challenging for me, because I had to learn a new language (English), make new friends, and basically adjust to a completely new environment. I remember missing home (read: playing harmonica upside down while crying), but I know that this was a crucial time period for me to learn to be adaptable, flexible, and malleable.

3. (Age 10-14) Discovering my skills/what I’m good at. Late elementary school and junior high was when I started to discover what I was good at and what I liked to do. I’m ever-thankful to my 5th grade teacher, Mr. Gowler, for giving me a 105 on my exposition essay about flamingos. In all seriousness, though, during this time period I had not only become fluent in English but also was placed in advanced/gifted programs, and started feeling like I was actually good at something (in this case, school).

4. (Age 14-18) My Glory Days, aka High School. I cannot stress how much high school shaped me into today-me. I had the most incredible teachers and coaches, who helped me to become so confident in who I was and mentored me to be a better student, better leader, and a better person. I like to call high school my Glory Days because I got voted Homecoming Queen (lololol) but even that, to me, was a testament to how being nice and talking to everyone indiscriminately is just…right. Also extremely important to me was Snowball, which helped me uncover my passion for uniting people across cliques/social circles/academic backgrounds and really getting to know each other as peers on a deeper, more meaningful, dare I say life-changing, level.

5. (Age 18-21) College Transformation. I became super Christian for the first three years of college, which in a way was great because it only deepened values that I already deemed important: loving others, being caring and kind, looking out for the less fortunate, etc. While I unfortunately eventually fell away from the actual theological aspect of religion, I think that the way it helped my heart to develop was crucial in my role as an RA junior and especially senior year. Being an RA meant the world to me and is to date THE best job I’ve ever had by far. I loved my residents to death and once again I realized just how much I care about caring, how much I care about building community and about peoples’ well-being and happiness.

College is also where I discovered that I was no longer that special or unique, because literally everyone else around me was just as, if not more, intelligent, successful, and driven.

6. (Age 21-24) Real Life. I started working at a large bank out of college, following the path I’d chosen by studying finance and management. Living in New York was a struggle in the beginning; I didn’t particularly care for the city (it just wasn’t a great fit for me, I thought) and I was still trying to figure out how to build my career, how to make the most my position, and how to be proactive. It’s fun being an adult and having ownership of your finances (read: buy whatever food I felt like buying), but I struggled to find the union between career and passion. To compensate for that, I got involved in “extracurricular” activities. I’m not sure how useful that ultimately was in helping me bridge that gap between career and passion, but it at least got me thinking about this: I’m not drawn to social ventures or nonprofit just for the sake of “doing good,” but I do want to make a difference – nonprofit or not – in an industry or topic that I actually feel passionate about.

7. (Age 24-Now) Back to Asia. I never, in a million years, thought I’d get to work in Asia. But as it was, I got the incredible opportunity to work in Shanghai for 9 months, and am now working in Hong Kong for 9 more. The pros are too many to count: I’ve made so many new friends, learned a new sport, ate amazing food, and have just had so, so, so much fun. The flip side is this: I’ve essentially put on hold the journey to discover what I’m “passionate” about, instead continuing to work in the same industry/department (slightly different roles) as I have been since I’ve graduated. Don’t get me wrong – I’m so thankful that I have gotten these opportunities through my company. And the life experiences I’ve gained from the past year are absolutely irreplaceable – in fact, I would call this past year one of the best years of my life – but that being said, I’ve been incredibly hedonistic and very lazy in figuring out my actual goals in life, choosing instead to just go out and play basically every day after work.

And that’s where I am now, on the cusp of turning 25 – sitting in my room in Hong Kong, musing about where on earth my life is meant to go. So…where does this all leave me?

If there’s anything I’ve realized more and more over the last few years, it’s the fact that I’m not that talented, I’m not that unique, and I’m not that special. And I don’t mean it in a self-deprecating way, I’m just being realistic: I’ve met so many people, and read about so many others, who are far more accomplished, successful, and talented than I am. But most importantly, I’ve realized the one trait they have in common (which I really lack), and that is discipline. I look at my friends that I most admire and consider most successful – Chase, Sanette, Nelson – and I see how hard they work, how much time they put into achieving their goals. Whether they’ve reached that goal yet or not, I’m confident that they eventually will because of their hard work combined with existing talent. Any start-up book will tell you that a successful startup comes from working hard, not from having a unique idea; and while there are those who work hard without ever getting that lucky break, I know that there will never be success without first putting in the hard work.

In my last hour as a 24-year-old, I implore myself: I’m about to be 25 years old, and I HAVE to stop wasting my life. I have to stop wasting time on Facebook or reddit or whatever it is that I spend my time doing and start actually being dedicated, being diligent, being not only ambitious but also hardworking – because that’s when I will truly become successful. Maybe I still won’t figure out my passion right away. But the only way to get there is to put everything I have into whatever inklings are already there and to give it my 110%.

So there we go…25, here I come!

On Inspiration

Thoughts

I didn’t think it could hit me like this, after six years. But it can, and it did. God, I miss you, I miss our friendship. Never thought I could sit here, halfway across the world, and still find myself sobbing while reading through our old memories. Six years, gone in a flash.

I’m disappointed in what I haven’t accomplished, I’m disappointed that I haven’t lived up to what you believed I could do. I swear I’ll keep trying and make you proud.

“…i’m so glad that we got close this year…i’m sad that it took until this year to get close. i love you and i know you will do amazing things in life. oh yeah, don’t forget me because i won’t forget you!”

You inspire me, always. I’ll never forget you.

On Self-Glorification

Thoughts

Ahhh, long time no update here! I’ve actually been writing/maintaining a separate blog called Shiranigans in Asia, which chronicles my life as I live abroad in Asia. However, I haven’t forgotten about this dear blog. In fact, I’ve been struggling lately with a concept I haven’t consciously thought about – or maybe admitted to myself – in a while. This concept is self-glorification, as the title may suggest.

You know, I started this blog – Seeking Something Splendid – with the intent that slowly but surely, I could find my place in this world. What I can do to make a difference, to do something important and meaningful and useful and helpful to society. But the selfish motivation still stands there behind it all: part of why I want to do something “great” is because, I’ll admit, I want to be remembered. I want to be admired for what I’ve done; I want to be recognized for my contributions to society; I want to be “famous” in a good way. The problem is, I haven’t done much to warrant any of that yet.

In fact, if anything, I’ve been more focused on the ends – my reputation, wanting to be known as a “good” person, etc – much more so than the means. Here are a few examples of how I can tell I’m doing this:

I’m aiming for more “likes” by posting more on social media like Instagram and Facebook (I notice this because my wall is starting to become all posts by me).
I’m hoping to be seen by my increased use of hashtags on Instagram and Twitter, both of which used to be but are no longer set to Private (you see, if it’s private, then strangers will never see you).
I’m posting lots of articles that are about causes that I do truly care about, but not only to spread awareness about the cause (it’s also to spread awareness about how I’M a good person because I care about social causes).

Thankfully, I’m getting sick of it. Even I notice how little substance there is in just posting stuff without actually DOING anything. I read an article the other day on Cracked called “6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person” – the article was actually published in 2012 but so popular that they just re-publish it every year. One of the harsh truths – which in fact was not that harsh, and I liked reading it – was that caring about things is kind of useless if there are no actions to back it. I can see how true that is in my life at the moment; I’m doing plenty of “sharing” to show that I care about things, but it doesn’t actually contribute to anything…other than my self-glorification.

As some of you may know, I worked in Shanghai for the past nine months and now am based in Hong Kong for another nine months. Since living abroad, I’ve spent way too much time just having fun and showing it off via pictures – and way too little time actually Seeking Something Splendid. There’s nothing wrong with having fun, of course, but it’s totally, 100% just for my own pleasure. And since I’m too busy living my hedonistic life, I take the easy way out for “making a difference”: I share articles. I talk about stuff I care about – but don’t actually take action. I’m constantly broadcasting, but rarely actually doing.

I think my heart is there. I do genuinely care, and I love reading articles by/for do-gooders like my previous professor, Adam Grant, or by/for people struggling with causes I’m passionate about, like bullying and depression. But as I grow up (wah) I am also starting to appreciate that sometimes, caring isn’t enough. Maybe it’s a start, but it’s not enough. And no amount of self-glorification – no matter how much I try to convince the outside world, or even myself – constitutes something to be admired if I don’t actually do anything to earn it.

While I still have a long way to go, thank goodness I’ve finally taken the time to admit this to myself. I’m a long way from being where I hope to be one day, but it’s a start. Baby steps, right?

On Vacation

Thoughts

About a week ago, I was just wrapping up a five-day vacation in Cancun. I was lucky to have a friend getting married there (and I got to be one of her bridesmaids!), which of course gave us all an excuse to go on vacation at a beautiful resort.

I wanted to blog almost immediately after coming back, but I forced myself to give it a week or so to digest the thoughts that overwhelmed my mind. Everyone kept asking, “How was Cancun?” and it was easy to give the generic answer: “It was awesome. It was so beautiful. It was relaxing. It was amazing.” But the thing is, this vacation was so much more than that, and so much more than I had expected. I came back not only physically and mentally refreshed; I also came back with my heart overwhelmed by gratitude for my life.

That might sound kind of dramatic (consistent with my personality), but let me explain. While we were at the all-inclusive resort, our every need and want was catered to and waited on. The people of Mexico were kind, cheerful and so hospitable during our stay there, whether it was at the hotel itself or on a tour bus to the Chichen Itza. For all the great service we had during our time there, however, there was also a nagging thought at the back of my mind: B and I were totally conscious of the fact that the standard of living for some of the people there was so far in contrast to the luxury we were enjoying during our all-inclusive vacation. We saw it in the men, women, and children walking up and down the beaches trying to sell us purses and bracelets; we saw it in the tour guides and performers who hoped graciously for tips; we saw it in the street vendor at Chichen Itza who had so much competition and was desperate for a sale.

It tugged on my heartstrings a little bit and almost made me uneasy – I felt guilty bargaining with the street vendor when a $5 difference probably meant much more to him than to me. But I was humbled to see the cheerful spirits of most people we came across; for all my worries about a “lacking” standard of living, my arrogant pity at seeing the tour guide change into a frayed shirt after his job – I realized that these people shone with positive attitudes, embodied on happier faces than many I see in my day-to-day life in New York City.

Even though I don’t know whether or not these people were actually happy – for all I know, maybe they were just really good at putting on a positive front – the happiness of those who I perceived to have “less” than me, in turn, made me so grateful for what I have in my life today.

So that’s what I came back with: renewed gratitude for what I have in my life, as it is now. Too often, I’m complaining. I’m dissatisfied, I’m annoyed, I’m jealous. I’m all these negative feelings that are completely unwarranted. They say that one habit of people who are happy is that they remember to be thankful, and I think that’s the reason I’ve felt so refreshed and genuinely happy after my Cancun vacation: it reminded me to be thankful. I’m thankful for my family and my friends, for the love that they give me even when I’m at my worst. I’m thankful for my education, my job and the opportunities that have come with both. I’m thankful to be living in such a cool city, one that people come from all over the world to visit. I’m thankful for my hobbies, my upbringing, my life.

I would say this is the best souvenir I could have brought back. Thankful for this vacation and especially thankful for my friends Chrissy and John, whose beautiful wedding and steadfast love just filled my heart with so much happiness!